So, after that spurt of creative energy, (stepping back, that is the most words I have ever written for anything ever) I sort of ran out of steam. I’m working on another fanfiction of sorts, but I’m really trying to tease out where to take this next. For those of you at home who have paid attention to the insane shit-scribblings littering the walls of this tumblelog, we still have 7 trolls to introduce who don’t really interact with the characters introduced so far. While it may pay off to have these two groups developing separately in tandem, I think it would be easier to manage if I merged the two as soon as possible.

So, yeah.

Also, WE AO3 NOW: http://archiveofourown.org/series/12292

This started out as a character test, but I ended up getting way too into it. I think I might stick with this AU and see where it goes. Enjoy the first half-chapter of Singlemomstuck!

Confused? Read this.

    At six o’ clock in the morning, two screams broke out over the course of three minutes from the Casa de Lechuza apartment building. The first, sustained and ululating like a tribal yell,  was Gwen reaching coitus with a man she had met last night. The second, shrill and brief, came from her flatmate, Katie, who discovered the couple intertwined on the living room couch. Phil, Gwen’s partner for the night, was shocked, and in the confusion, stumbled into their kids’ bedroom, thinking it was the bathroom. After fumbling around and muttering apologies to Katie under his breath for a few minutes, he stumbled out of the door without a word to Gwen. Katie would usually flip a table at this point and threaten to throw Gwen and her son out if she could not contain her raging libido. Instead, she said “WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT?”

    “PhIl,” Gwen said a little more dreamier than usual because of the recent orgasm.

    “PHIL WHO?”

    “I DoN’T ReMeMbEr.”

    “DAMNIT GWEN.”

    “It’s oKaY. pHiL’S A CoOl mOtHeRfUcKeR. He gAvE Me tHiS AnD I WaS JuSt tHaNkInG HiM,” Gwen groped around a bit before finding a Ziploc bag filled with green herbs.

    “HOLY FUCK,” Katie’s mind began to race. “GWEN, YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF THAT SHIT.”

    “OkAy tHeN,” Gwen said. After a little more groping, she found her rolling papers and began rolling a joint. The baggie was still quite full. She began to saunter into the kids’ room before Katie stopped her. “THE KIDS HAVE SCHOOL TODAY, DUMBASS.”

    “So?”

    “SO YOUR KID WILL BE IN DEEP SHIT IF HE GOES TO SCHOOL HIGH.”

    “So hE WoNt gO To ScHoOl, No bIg dEaL.”

    “ITS FRIDAY, YOUR KID WILL BE IN DEEPER SHIT IF HE MISSES AN ENTIRE FUCKING WEEK OF CLASSES.”

    “WhO CaReS, hE DoEsN’T LeArN AnYtHiNg tHeRe aNyWaY, iF He dIdN’T Go tO ScHoOl tHeN We cOuLd hAnG OuT MoRe,” Gwen continued towards the room, joint and plastic bag in hand.

    “YOU’LL HANG OUT ON THE STREETS. YOU TWO ARE A BAD ENOUGH INFLUENCE ON MY KIDS ALREADY, IF TEDDY DROPS OUT, I’LL KICK YOUR ASS OUT.”

    “WoAh, cHiLl mAn, TeD’Ll gO To ScHoOl,” Gwen placed the joint and baggie on the coffee table and slunk away to the kitchen. Katie walked to the room and looked inside. Three pairs of eyes peered back at her. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JACKING OFF? GET DRESSED,” she said before slamming the door shut. “YOU TOO,” she said to Gwen, who was currently in a bra and nothing else.

    Katie stormed into the room that she shared with Gwen. She began to lay out the clothes that she would wear that day. She chose the blue jeans with the least amount of alcohol stains and a dark and loose blouse with ruffles that disguised her cleavage, which was starting to sag. She grabbed a towel and made sure that Gwen wasn’t smoking yet, then headed into the bathroom to brush her teeth and take a shower. The hot water felt good on her skin, washing off the feeling of bar grime and smoke that accumulated nightly while she was on the job. Ten minutes later, she stepped out of the shower and attacked her dark and unruly hair with a comb while it was still wet.

    Back in the bedroom, she stepped around Gwen, who was choosing which color tube-top to wear, grabbed a fresh bra and pair of panties (it took several tries to get a pair of panties that were her size and not Gwen’s), and got dressed. Katie reminded herself to get newer jeans as she inspected herself; her hips peeked out over the waistband of her pants. She briefly considered wearing sweatpants instead, then decided against it when she found that her blouse cleverly hid her muffin top.

    She checked the alarm clock on the side-table in between the beds. It was 6:45. Gwen stepped out of the room to take a shower. Katie rushed to the kitchen, knocking on the kids’ door on the way. “COME ON, DAMNIT. WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE,” Katie yelled. She checked the fridge and cupboard. Both were entirely devoid of food suitable for breakfast save for a large jug of milk that was half empty and a bulk package of Cheerios, respectively. She poured herself a bowl of cereal and began devouring it while waiting for the others.

    First came Katie’s oldest, Tom. At 17 years old, he was in senior year and still thinking about which colleges to apply to. He stalked wordlessly into the kitchen and got a bowl to pour some cereal into. He was extremely tall and thin, and the thin, blank T-shirt and skinny jeans accentuated his lack of girth. Meanwhile, Teddy, Gwen’s son, entered the kitchen. He was 15 and a bit of a troublemaker, but jolly and energetic. He wore a T-shirt that read “Up with miniskirts,” and baggy pants held up by a brown belt. He was about as tall as Tom, but wider. While Tom was pouring cereal into his bowl of milk, Teddy simply grabbed a glass and poured some milk in it. Gwen walked in next, wearing a bright purple tube-top and a long, wide skirt with white polka dots on black. A wide belt around her waist drew attention to her wide hips and tanned midriff and a flower accented her thick and frizzy hair. Mitch, Katie’s second kid, was the last to enter the kitchen. He grunted at Katie and began pouring cereal in the remaining empty bowl. The transition to middle school was rough on him and experiencing a new school on the back of a divorce was a lot for him. He wore his school uniform, a white polo shirt and blue pants.

    Tom gloomily ate his Cherrios. Head down, his dark hair almost fell into the bowl. Gwen, Teddy and Mitch talked about last night’s episode of Jailbreak, trying to top one another in ridiculous predictions about what would happen next. Mitch was in the middle of explaining how the series could not end in anything other than gay sex between the protagonists, which left Gwen and Teddy in stiches, their frizzy curls bouncing everywhere, when Katie checked the wall clock. It was five past seven. “OH SHIT, WE’RE LATE,” Katie screeched.

    “BuT I HaVeN’T EaTeN YeT,” Gwen protested.
   
    “NO TIME, FUCK YOU,” Katie grabbed all the bowls, dumped them unceremoniously into the sink and chased the motley crew out the door, with Teddy leading the way. Gwen dodged Katie and grabbed her purse and the drugs before dashing through the door.
   
    They stomped down the flight of stairs, storming the courtyard. It was October, but Summer still had the city in its chokehold. Veronica, one of the residents on the ground floor, was making sure her litter of kids were ready for school and distributing bus passes. They swarmed around her, anxious to leave the apartment and blocking the way out. “All right, don’t kill each other over them, the ho8os will have more than enough time for that,” Veronica cackled. Either it went over their head or they didn’t care, because the pod of eight-year olds continued their attempt to topple her to get at the bus passes. She lost her patience. “Fine!!!!!!!! You want them, t8ke them!!!!!!!!” She threw the stack of bus passes down the hallway, scattering them about. The glut dispersed as each Sekret kid picked up a bus pass and left the building. Jerry, the only boy, was the last to leave, and shot a sad glance at Katie. Katie and the others jogged out of the building and to Katie’s car, an old beater that held up extremely well over the years.

    The clock on the dash read 7:10. Katie turned the engine on and was about to pull away from the curb when Mitch stopped her. He pointed at the entrance of the building. Tamara, in her wheelchair, and her son, pushing the wheelchair, were leaving for school as well. “Mom, can I go to school with Ceasar?” Mitch asked.

    “HELL NO, WHY?”

    “Miss Nitram has a van.”

    “SO?”

    “The doors open automatically.”

    “SO?”

    “I think that’s pretty cool, I guess,” Mitch admitted weakly. Katie did some math regarding the time it would take to drop off Mitch in addition to everyone else. “FINE, JUST GO,” she snapped.

    “Thanks Mom! Bye!” Mitch hugged Katie, hopped out of the car and ran to the couple, his blond hair shining in the sun. Katie pulled away from the curb and started to make her way towards the freeway. Traffic was light, as usual when heading away from downtown, and they arrived at Damon M. Kelly High School in Eagle Rock at 7:25.

    Teddy gave Gwen a hug before hopping out of the car. Katie was almost sure that she saw Gwen’s lips moving while they were hugging. “Bye, Gwen,” Teddy said.
   
    “SeE YoU LaTeR, DuDe,” she replied. He was in the middle of dashing off towards the school when Gwen yelled, “WhAt dO YoU SaY To pEoPlE WhO Do tHiNgS FoR YoU, BrO?”

    Teddy scoffed, then turned around. “Thanks, Miss Vantas,” he said in a flat monotone. Kelly nodded in return as he ran off. Tom softly headbutted Kelly, then got out of the car. “Bye Mom, I love you,” he said before walking off to school. Gwen huffed. “You too, Miss Makara,” he added while laughing.

    “ByE ByE, tOmMy bOy,” Gwen said. Katie made a U-turn and drove back towards downtown. Gwen lit up her joint. Traffic was so bad that Gwen had finished the first one and was halfway through another before they got off the freeway. They stopped at a supermarket. Katie dug around in the pockets of her jeans and gave Gwen a 20 dollar bill. “THIS IS FOR FOOD,” she said. “HEALTHY FOOD. YOU WILL NOT, I REPEAT, NOT SPEND THIS MONEY ON GODDAMN HOT POCKETS, MICROWAVE BURRITOS OR TAQUITOS.”

    “WhAt aBoUt sHaStA?” Gwen asked.

    “YOU WILL SPEND NO MORE THAN FIVE OF THOSE DOLLARS ON YOUR SHIT-SWILL.”

    “DuDe, ArE YoU PsYcHiC?”
   
    “YES, YES I AM, YOU WILL NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR.” The two went into the supermarket. Gwen made a beeline for the soft drinks aisle, while Katie worked her way to the seafood section. On her way, she picked up some bread, pasta, sauce, butter, jelly, and some cereal that does not taste like the cardboard box that it came in. Once she made her way to the seafood counter, she added up everything that she had planned to buy so far. It left her with $50, enough to make a nice dinner that would last into next week. She looked at the crab tank. She had attempted to make crab a few times before, but each time she either could not bring herself to kill the crab or the crab turned out terrible. She realized that the changing seasons meant that she might get less in tips, so possibly wasting money on this was not an option. She watched the crabs a little more, intrigued by their awkward movements in the crowded tank. She glanced up and saw that the guy working the seafood counter was heading towards her. Rather than suffer possible embarrassment, she retreated to the meat section. Natalie, the butcher, lived in the same apartment building as Katie and was one of the few people outside of those who lived with her who could tolerate her. When Natalie saw Katie, she immediately broke into a grin. “:33 < hi kitty!” She exclaimed.

    “HEY, NAT,” Katie replied.

    “:33 < are you looking for something?”

    “I’M LOOKING FOR YOUR GOOD SHIT, NATALIE,” Katie said. At this, Natalie perked up. “:33 < i’m going to go s33 what i can dig up.” She disappeared into the back for a few minutes. She came out with a box with Japanese writing on it. The box was frozen, Katie could tell from the tendrils of vapor emanating from it. “:33 < this,” Natalie began as she opened up the box, “:33 < is wagyu b33f from japan. the cows that make it are pampurred from the cradle to the grave and bred so the fat actually penetrates the meat, creating a marble like effect.”

    “OH GOD,” Katie was stunned as she looked inside the box. There was a tray of six fillets, pink and circular. The fat interrupted the uniformity of the muscle, making it look a lot like small tiles of marble. “:|| < it’s 180 dollars a pound, 300 dollars for the whole box,” Natalie said sternly, closing the box.

    “FUCK. I DON’T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY,” Katie sighed. She knew that even if she bought the whole box, the meal would only last a day or two depending on how hungry everyone was. “;33 < if you can’t pay in money, i’ll take alternative payment,” Natalie purred.

    “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” Katie was getting suspicious.
   
    “;33 < it’s nothing, really. just a kiss,” Natalie continued.

    “NO. FUCK NO. FUCK THAT. FUCK YOU,” Katie began to turn and leave.

    “:33 < no, wait! i was joking, silly!” Natalie backpedaled.

    “JESUS FUCK, YOU SCARED ME FOR A SECOND THERE,” Katie spluttered. The two laughed nervously, trailing off into an awkward silence.
   
    The silence was broken by a booming “HoNk hOnK!” Gwen careened around the corner of the aisle on the back of a shopping cart. She expertly brought it to a stop a few feet past Katie and Natalie. Katie surveyed the cart. There was a layer of Peach Shasta sodas, on top of which were potato chips of almost every variety. Natalie snickered, Katie was unamused. “WHAT IS ALL THIS SHIT,” she yelled, exasperated.

    “DuDe, It’s BuY OnE GeT OnE FrEe!”

    “WHAT ABOUT THE CHIPS.”

    “ToTaLlY BaKeD! tHeY’Re lEgIt,” Gwen proudly announced. Katie gave up.

    “FINE, BUT YOU’RE CARRYING THAT GARBAGE UP TO THE APARTMENT.”

    “AwWwWw yEeEe, MoThErFuCkIn sHaStA PaRtY!” Gwen pushed off and began making her way to the checkout counter. Natalie and Katie were alone again. “:33 < anyways, i’ve got 12 pork chops for 30 dollars, friends and family discount,” Natalie said.

    “THAT’S ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD,” Katie said. Natalie rung Katie up. They said their goodbyes and Katie met Gwen at the car. They then packed the groceries. Gwen’s groceries took up the entire trunk of the car and two-thirds of the backseat. The last third was reserved for Katie’s groceries.

    Back at the apartment building, Katie brought up her groceries and put them away. While Gwen was still working her way through her groceries, Katie sat down on the stairs. Tamara, whose apartment was at the foot of the stairs, wheeled herself out. “i, UH TOOK mITCH AND cEASAR OUT FOR mCdONALDS FOR BREAKFAST, IF THAT’S OKAY WITH YOU,” she stammered.

    “YOU KNOW WHAT TAMMY, I GUESSED THAT WAS WHY MITCH WANTED TO GO WITH YOU TODAY.”

    “uHHHHHH„, oKAY THEN,” Tamara said.

    “I MEAN, HOW OFTEN DO YOU GO OUT TO MCDONALDS ANYWAY.”

    “tHIS WEEK WAS, UH, DIFFERENT„, cEASAR’S DOCTOR SAYS TO, UH„ CUT DOWN ON THE FAT, SO, WE’VE ONLY GONE ABOUT FOUR TIMES THIS WEEK, MABYE,”

    “WOW TAMMY, WAY TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN.”

    “i KNOW YOU’RE BEING, UH, SARCASTIC, BUT, UH, THANKS ANYWAY,”

    “WHO DO YOU HAVE MAKING THE OTHER MEALS? I KNOW THAT CEASAR WOULD DIE IF HE WAS SUBJECTED TO ANY MORE OF YOUR SHITTY COOKING.” Katie remembered the time that Ceasar’s stomach needed to be pumped because of Tamara’s rendition of nachos. It turned out to be a bad batch of Velveeta that was supposed to be recalled. She used the money from the resulting settlement to hire a caretaker.

    “i HAVE fRANCO COOKING, HE’S REALLY, UH, TALENTED, I THINK,” Tamara said. Franco was Tamara’s caretaker, who worked from noon to five. Gwen brought in her last bag of groceries, but took a break at the foot of the stairs to talk with Tamara.

    “HeY TaMaRa, HoW Is fRaNcO?” Gwen said.

    “hI, gWEN„ i THINK fRANCO’S FINE„” Tamara replied.

    “Oh hE’S MoThErFuCkInG FiNe, aLrIgHt,” Gwen laughed at her own joke.

    “uHHHHHHHHHH„„”

    “CaLm dOwN MaN, yOu sHoUlD ReAlLy lOoSeN Up. I CoUlD HeLp wItH ThAt, If yOu cAtCh mY DrIfT.”

    “uHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH„„„„„,” Tamara hastily wheeled back into her apartment far faster than one would expect from her slender frame. “I THINK YOU BROKE HER, GWEN,” Katie said.

    “WhAtEvEr, ShE KnOwS WhAt tHe fUcK Is Up. DaMn, I’M TiReD,” Gwen said, climbing the stairs. Katie followed.

    Inside the apartment, Gwen checked her stash of weed. The bag was halfway full. She rolled another joint, took a puff of it, and fell asleep on the couch watching Public Access TV. Meanwhile, Katie began to marinate the chops. Once all that was done, she set the alarm clock for 2:30 PM, four hours later. A knock at the door woke her up an hour early. Veronica was at the door, a grin plastering her face, which was never a good sign. “K8eeeeeee!!!!!!!!” She said, sickly sweet.
   
    “THE FUCK YOU WANT, VERA,” Katie asked.

    “You’ll never guess who I ran into today!”

    “WHO.” At this point Veronica gestured towards the staircase. Teddy skulked in, sporting an impressive shiner. “Weeeeeeeel, I have to get back to my stories,” she sighed. “Bye, k8e!” Katie closed the door behind Teddy, who took a look at Gwen and went to the kids’ room and slammed the door behind him without saying a word.

    2:30 came, and Teddy was still in the room. Katie needed to get her kids from school. She left a note on the coffee table for Teddy and Gwen, who was still fast asleep:

            WENT TO GET TOM AND MITCH, BACK IN AN HOUR.
   
   
            —KATIE
   
    She hopped in the car and picked up Mitch first from G. P. Ignatius Middle School all the way out in Palau. From there, she drove to Eagle Rock to pick up Tom. Mitch was quite tired and slept in the car. Katie talked to Tom. “SO, ANYTHING INTERESTING HAPPEN?” She was not good at small talk. “YOU KNOW, AT SCHOOL?”

    “There was a fight,” Tom said.

    “REALLY? WHO?”

    “Don’t know, don’t really care,” Tom then pulled out his phone and began to text. Katie tried to probe Tom for more information, but he was useless with a screen in front of him.

    They parked in front of the apartment building at around 3:45. The couch was empty, and a new note was on the coffee table. Mitch went to the room, Tom peeked in the kitchen for an after school snack, rummaging through the potato chip bags that Gwen bought. Katie read the note:
           
            TeDdY WaS ExPeLlEd, DiDn’t wAnT To CaUsE A FuSs iN FrOnT Of yOuR KiDs. ThAnKs fOr bEiNg tHe cHiLlEsT MoThErFuCkEr aLiVe.

           
            —GwEn :0D

    Mitch walked back in the living room. “Ted’s gone!” he exclaimed.

    “I KNOW,” Katie said. “HEY, MITCH. TELL TOM TO PUT THE CHOPS IN THE OVEN FOR THREE HOURS AT 200 DEGREES AND BOIL SOME PASTA. MOM’S GOING TO WORK EARLY.”

    “Okay,” Mitch said as he sat down in front of the TV. Katie rushed out of the house and jumped in the car. She had a friend to find.

Singlemomstuck is an Alternative Universe interpretation of Andrew Hussie’s webcomic, Homestuck. It re-interprets the twelve trolls in Homestuck as single mothers trying to make their way in an as-of-yet-unnamed city in the southwest.

Our Cast of Characters:
Karkat Vantas is Katrina “Katie” Vantas

Gamzee Makara is Gwendolyn “Gwen” Makara

Kanaya Maryam is Carolina “Carol” Maryam

Vriska Sekret is Veronica “Vera” Sekret

Terezi Pyrope is Teresa “Teri” Pyrope

Tavros Nitram is Tamara “Tammy” Nitram

Nepeta Leijon is Natalie “Nat” Leijon

Equius Zakara is Emma “Emmy” Zakara

Aradia Megido is Allison “Ally” Megido

Sollux Captor is Sandra “Sandy” Captor

Feferi Pexies is Francine “Frankie” Pexies

And Eridan Ampora as Erica Ampora

Nepeta: Arrogant mom. Convinced that she has her son’s (age 3) life planned out to the day, she decided to have a kid on her own after feeling like she had achieved everything else in her life. Questioning, has feelings for Karkat, works the meat counter at the supermarket. Best friends with Equius, who she looks up to like a big sister.

Equius: Butch mom. Out of a failed relationship with her partner (her daughter, 7, is the result of an agreed night with a gigolo), she has resolved herself to turn over a new leaf, starting with her machine shop, which she plans to turn into a salon. Now goes to church and says that she is no longer a lesbian (but has uncomfortable feelings about Aradia’s daughter (when she’s possessed by Aradia)). Obsessed with how things are “done” in Paris. Often bails Nepeta out of jams.

Aradia: Ghost Mom. Occasionally posseses her daughter (18 years old) who works in a machine shop run by Equius. Passive aggressive to a fault, often guilts her daughter about not going to college.

Sollux: Bipolar Mom. Two kids (1 and 10, male, and female, respectively) from a marriage to a software magnate who she met while on the job. Has long periods of melancholy interspersed with short bursts of manic energy, during which she is liable to take the kids to Magic Mountain (which one? it is a mystery). Bisexual, had a relationship with Aradia in college.

Eridan: Emotionally needy mother. After a fierce divorce with the man she met in college, Eridan latches on to those nearby her for emotional support. Constantly makes suicidal threats, and it’s just not a Friday without her threatening to kill herself and her daughter (age 10. Eridan and Feferi met in the maternity ward) in a drunken rage. Her daughter is, unsurprisingly, very mature for her age. She’s a writer of children’s books, but has an incurable case of writer’s block.

Feferi: Yuppie mom. Reads all the latest child-rearing books, but doesn’t stick with a strategy long enough for it to really matter. Her child (age 10 male) is normal, almost annoyingly so. She wants to have a romantic relationship but she keeps reading conflicting opinions in developmental pschology journals about when to introduce a father figure into her boy’s life. Only socializes her kid with Eridan’s daughter, although she is quite aware about how not exposing her kid to a variety of people could harm him developmentally. Works as Sollux’s manager.

Tavros: Completely spineless mom. Married her high school sweetheart (because she was pregnant; the circumstances surrounding their relationship is why she is in a wheelchair) Her kid (male, 13 years) is spoiled rotten, but he is not an asshole by any means, just coddled. Has feelings towards her caretaker, a Canadian immigrant named Franco (Vriska also has her eyes on him, because he looks a lot like the guy on the Brawny Paper Towels)